Legend Of A Cheat Device
by t3h maniac
Summary: The Zelda series with a little help. More than Navi gave us anyway. Latest, Oni Link runs around in clock town. Fear him as he... goes shopping... in an intimidating tone of voice!
1. Chapter 1

**Legend Of A Cheat Device**

**The different Legend Of Zelda games with the addition of the plot bunny cheat device. Expect the fourth wall to fall down faster than Ganon's tower in Ocarina Of Time**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my hallucination inspired ideas**

**--**

So far Link's adventure into the forest temple had not been going well at all, there had been some very creepy things in this place, evidence of how powerful Ganon's magic was, creating all these things in what was supposedly a sacred place. "Where did that other one come from?" Link thought out loud as a second Stalfos had joined the frey, it had been difficult enough to beat the first one, who seemed to be pulling himself together, literally.

"The ceiling? Perhaps where that was why he had to wait for you to defeat the first one before showing up."

"Darn it! They keep dodging the bombs and the hookshot doesn't stun them. It's time for desperate measures."

"When you say desperate measures…"

"Feel the wrath of the gods! Din's…"

"Wait! When was the last time that spell was any use?" Navi interrupted.

--

_At the royal family tomb searching for whatever they were supposed to find here._

"_Stupid bats, time to use this spell that creepy looking fairy at Hyrule Castle gave me. Din's Fire!" Link cast, setting all the bats alight but they still continued to fly around. Only now they were on fire, and diving straight for him "Uh oh."_

_--_

_At the entrance to the forest temple_

"_Time to teach these Wolfos a lesson they'll remember for the rest of their lives. Din's fire!" The spell seemed to have about as much affect as one slash from the master sword. "Oh come on!"_

_--_

"_I can't believe it; he froze over all of Zora's domain." Link looked gobsmacked, the once flowing waters of the river were completely iced over. Added to this that the Gorons had all been taken to death mountain crater and it gives the effect as to what lengths Ganondorf will go to in order to send a message._

"_And this isn't regular ice either. This is magical and can only be melted by a magic flame by the looks of it."_

"_Magic flame? Of course! Din's Fire!" Link Cast watching the flames surround the ice. Nothing happened. "FFFFFF"_

_--_

"Okay so maybe it didn't work those times but I'm positive it'll work this time around. DIN'S FIRE!" He shouted letting the normal dome of flames surround him and spread out to cover the two Stalfos. This time the skeletal soldiers were quickly incinerated as the flames continued to spread out, moving through the walls of the temple, burning Otorocks, wall masters and the 4 poe sisters.

"Whoa." Navi said.

"KEEE!" The Poes screamed, being incinerated within the portraits they were hiding in.

--

Meanwhile in the tower of greater evil who hams up the dialogue so much that it could be used to fill a buffet table.

Wait, who scribbled that bit down on the sign leading to it?

"Lord Ganondorf. There are rumours of the hero that the prophecy foretold is in the Forest Temple."

"Ha! With the Triforce of power I created new races! I need not worry about some 'chosen one' and if I'm wrong let Kokari forest produce an odd sized explosion!" Ganondorf taunted before breaking into a laugh. However then he saw the dome of flames surround the forest and quickly stopped.

"Shall I double security on all other temples?" The Moblin asked quietly.

"Yes. Go do that."

--

**I can't be the only one who finds Din's fire to be useless most of the time can I? Well that was super-charged magic. Any suggestions of where to go from here? Any particular aspect you want to see destroyed like it (might) deserve? Well don't forget to leave a review.**


	2. Death by feathers

**Death By Feathers**

**You remember those chicken things in OOT, remember how they attacked you as a group if you picked on them for too long. Well you're not the only one.**

**So now with the plot bunny™ cheat device for the N64 I give you CUCCOS EVERYWHERE!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah… I got nothing.**

**--**

"AHA! The foolish child! By taking the master sword he has opened the path to the sacred realm for me! It's as if the goddesses wanted me to conquer this pathetic kingdom." Ganondorf shouted. What was that kid thinking? He wasn't worthy to hold the master sword, no one in the entire history of Hyrule had been. He'd also done the hard work of collecting those spiritual stones. He'd been working for him the entire time it seems. _If he ever escapes the prison that the Master sword keeps him in, I'll make sure to make him one of my top knights for this. _Ganondorf thought as he stepped through the portal into the sacred realm.

"Ah! The sacred realm, home of the triforce and the… wait a minute. Why are there so many Cuccos here? Go on. Shoo! Be off with you!" He shouted at the flightless birds who seemed to have gathered near the entrance.

"Alright, if you won't leave this place peacefully I'll blast you out." He said channelling his magic through his right hand and sending a dark energy bolt at the birds "MWA-HA-huh? Why aren't you fried?" They weren't fried at all, they were just boiling in the angry sense.

"AAAAAH! THEY'RE NOT NATURAL! THEY'RE DEMON CUCCOS!" He cried as they chased him, pecking away at his armour leaving dents as though it were mere tin-foil.

_The Triforce! Of course, if I can just get to it I'll be able to blast these stupid things. But first I need a distraction._

"Hey, look over there. It's a KFC." _Good thing they know and don't like whatever the hell a KFC is. _He thought as the Cucco's turned to the direction Ganondorf was pointing giving him ample time to run and grab the Triforce. However, instead of all of its power being past to him it started to crack. The thing split in three with the top corner falling on Ganondorf's left hand. A strange force ran up his arm as the sacred realm fell from view along with the blasted Cucco's.

He wanted to throttle one so badly he reached out his arm in a strangling motion only to have one of them explode on him. _Well now, this is interesting._

--

"Lord Ganondorf! What happened? What gave you those injuries?" A Gerudo soldier asked, he appeared to be back at the temple of time.

"Tell me; are there still Cuccos in the town square?" He asked, picking himself up.

"Yes… but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Perfect."

--

**And that's why Hyrule Castle town was destroyed. Not because of destruction for the sake of destruction, but because of Ganon's un-quenchable bloodlust to see all Cucco's destroyed for their impudence.**

**Or he just really fancied some KFC after that.**


	3. Swimming Lessons

**Swimming Lessons**

**Don't you hate it in Wind Waker where you could only swim a short distance before drowning? Well so did I, as such. I have given our cell-shaded hero a little help. He can now swim for ever!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

**--**

"Link. Wake up."

"Mommy, I don't want to go to school today…" Link murmured, still feeling the effects of being hurled through the sky and into the sea by a giant bird.

"Link!" The mysterious voice shouted

"Where am I?"

"Windfall Island, I had to get you away from the Forsaken Fortress quickly." Link finally opened his eyes, he couldn't see anyone talking to him, but why did he feel like he was lying on some of the most uncomfortable wood in the world, its like he was on a small sailboat. Which was exactly what the King of The Red Lions was.

"WAAAH!" He screamed.

"Perhaps I should have mentioned earlier that I was a talking boat. I am the King of Red Lions, your sister was taken by the Dark one who lives in Forsaken Fortress correct? You are too weak to take him on now, but there is a way to stop him."

"Huh?"

"You must collect 3 pearls of the goddesses that are located on 3 different islands, once you do the secret of a land long forgotten will be available for you to kill him with, as well as rescue your sister."

"Great! Okay then mister Lion let's get sailing!"

"There is one problem…"

"What?"

"I am not much of a boat without a sail."

"What? But you got me away from that fortress place!"

"Yes well… in the escape it broke my sail so you have to go get a new one now."

"Can't I just swim it?"

"Are you mad? It's countless miles..."

"Okay then, see you later. I'm off to hunt for pearls." Link said diving of the side of the boat, swimming out of the cove and to the east.

"Blast, I need to find a new hero. Those people don't come around every day you know, or maybe…" The King of Red Lions mumbled to himself, remembering he could still travel, albeit at a snails pace, without a sail. Maybe he could sort of hitch a ride to dragon roost by biting ahold of a ship heading east to build up speed…

--

At Dragon Roost Island Link finally swam ashore, his tunic and underwear were soaked but he had just swum several miles in open waters, which was an amazing achievement for anyone who wasn't a saltwater Zora.

"Made it! I knew swimming those laps around Outset would come in handy." Link congratulated himself, puffing and panting on the beach.

"Although it probably would have been quicker with a sail!" The King of Red Lions shouted as he came in to view, worn out from having to rely on cruise movement to get here.

--

**Based on a true story.**


	4. Fierce Deity everywhere!

**Fierce Deity Everywhere**

**Do I still type in bolded text? Ah bolded text, what fun we shall have together. This time we look at some of the other consequences of having the fierce deity mask usable everywhere.**

**Disclaimer: Zelda belongs to Nintendo.**

**--**

Link didn't understand it, he'd spent long and hard collecting all those masks, he played the song of time countless times to repeat the same three days over and over again. And for what? A mask, a freaking mask. He spent about 50 of those things just to get it.

But it was a fairly pretty mask, the face paint was nice. And it was a surprisingly good fit. And it's not like it was ripped off the face of a dying person like the Zora or Goron masks so it should be fi-

_Whoa._

Yep definatley fine, no gills, no rocky backs, just a small growth spurt. Well a fairly large growth spurt, he was taller than when he was thrown seven years in time

Maybe they'd stop calling him a kid now.

Link slowly walked into the shop in clock town and was honestly surprised at the reaction. They were cowering in fear; they weren't supposed to do that. He was trying to save them all from the moon with a face and the crazed Skull kid.

"Uhh, Link?" Tattl said nervously as though she was afraid of him now.

"**What?" **He said back, in a low deep tone, turning towards the fairy.

"Nothing." She said quickly before diving out of his line of view.

"**Huh, fairies are weird sometimes."** Link said to himself before turning back towards the woman at the counter.

"C-can I help you sir?"

"**Yeah, how much for those arrows?"**

"N-nothing, nothing at all. There…they're clearance, we have to get rid of them. N-no one buys arrows, see so we're having to give them away."

"**Well that's convenient, thank you." **the now god-infused hero said, calmly collecting the arrows before leaving the shopkeeper to faint.

"**What a nice lady."**

--

**Well be fair, if you were working a store and saw a 7 foot tall incarnation of divine Wrath ask for arrows, would you charge it?**


End file.
